Here I Go....

When I first decided to write a blog about being me with cancer, I kept a list of ideas to write about based on events, feelings, opinions, beliefs, stages or events that I was going through. This one is different. Today’s blog is going rogue and comes from newer feelings emerging right now.

I’ve been pretty consumed with researching cancer drugs and treatments, writing/calling friends and family, reaching out to a couple of women in similar situations, buying hats and scarves, living it up with my visiting friend, Spiderman, and generally struggling to wrap my mind around the new ‘there’s-an-alien-inside-my-body-so-I-must-conquer-it-with-toxic-treatments’ me—all while unsuccessfully trying to maintain 40 hours at work. This is not easy. But it has served as a fine distraction from the fact that….HOLY SHIT, my treatment starts this week!

Last week I underwent my first ever surgery, when a team of people I had never met before rendered me unconscious so the surgeon I had met only once prior could cut my chest open to place a port for chemotherapy. All-in-all, it went well. I woke up in a very happy mood—ecstatic that I had survived what I called “open heart surgery” (after all, the vein he opened leads to my heart which was right there), and made it through my first dance with general anesthesia. But I was most excited at knowing that the first stop after discharge was vegan comfort food nirvana, Wayward Café with Spiderman and my husband who patiently awaited news of my survival.   

Now that the confusing and extensive decision-making process of choosing between the traditional oncologist and the naturopathic oncologist/traditional oncologist team has been made, at least my mind is at ease and I’m ready to face the fire. My husband and my good friends EM and Blue have graciously agreed to be my “Tumor Treatment Trio Transport Team”, rotating weekly shifts between them. The medical billing calls have started and I’ve begun to take the prescribed reinforcement supplements at home.

Even though I’d much rather go back to my 2-months-ago self, I am working to push out negative thoughts and open myself up to the positive energy around me. I am ready to walk into that treatment center with a bag full of optimism, strength, and courage. Oh, and my Zoolander DVD and Super Grover figure. I seriously can’t do this without Super Grover.