No Means No

As I approach the end of the line with breast cancer treatments, I realized that a large part of the hardship—at least for me—is arguing coming to an agreement with the doctors. Along with harsh medications, scarring treatments, loss of time at work, sickening side effects, and rising doctor bills, came the abundant stress of debating with doctors on what should/will be done to me. It’s not easy to challenge medical professionals. I’ve had to not only research each test, treatment, and medication they so matter-of-factly want me to submit to, but also find the courage to look objectively at each and speak up. They are not all necessary. Contrary to common belief, much of what doctors want us to do is not needed. Most modern medical care regimens fit the standard of what a hundred doctors before them have done and fill the wallets of the medical upper-ups, insurance companies and most of all—pharmaceutical companies. We all should be more skeptical when visiting with doctors and far less willing to just take their word for it.

Now, let me jump down from my soapbox here. Just had to get that off my chest [insert breast joke here].

As I approached the end of radiation, my traditional oncologist asked to see me so I can start hormone-blocking therapy once radiation is finished. When does it end? Instantly, I am inclined to say ‘no’! But I decided (with a little push from my husband) to hear him out and learn what exactly I’m saying no to. Here’s the recommended cocktail: Zolodex, Femara, and Tamoxifen (not all at once, but given in a planned out order/length based on my situation). Each of them is highly regarded and is trusted in preventing recurrence of breast cancer. Studies (that I’ve read independently of what my doctor has told me) show a decrease in recurrence by taking these hormone blockers.

So, why wouldn’t I take them, you ask? Mainly because this is only a preventative measure and not a treatment to kill current cancer. Maybe part of my reason for declining this recommended regimen is also a desire to have control, even if just over one last piece of all this. I’m not sure. But one thing I’m certain of is this decision to say no.

Another big reason for my refusal of taking these drugs is the long list of side effects. Included in the list are: mood swings, hot flashes (I couldn’t possibly take any more!), loss of libido, weight gain, bone pain, headaches, nausea/vomiting, drowsiness, fatigue, high cholesterol (what?), vision problems, vaginal bleeding, shortness of breath, hair thinning, dizziness, chest pain, pelvic pain, and “difficulty speaking or understanding.” No way I’m putting up with that list of shit along with the residual effects of chemo, surgery, and radiation.

As I said, I’m quite confident in my decision. Actually more so now than I have been with any of my cancer-related decisions this far. So, despite their best efforts, my answer is no. I will not go to the prom with you, Tamoxifen.